Model Your own integration

I looked at the wall clock and the precious 35 minutes I had left of my conference period and waited for the teenage girl to get to work. Thuy made no movement or indication that she was going to do so, not even picking up her pencil. Instead, she just stared straight ahead, eyebrows raised in defiance. 

“Thuy, do you know how to do this first one?” I pointed to the first math problem, and she visibly scooted a little further away, turning away. I took a deep breath. I would not be deterred. I picked up her pencil and pointed to the first problem.

“MMNHH!!!” Thuy growled at me, snatched her pencil out of my hand, and folded her arms across her chest, ensuring that I would not get that pencil. I felt irritation rising in my belly like bile and closed my eyes for a moment.


Whenever we serve children from hard places, we need to tune into ourselves and notice what the children’s response elicits in us. Here is a strategy to do so, one that I have often used at the beginning of a busy school day during the flag salute and the following “moment of silence.”

1. Put your hand on your heart, as you would for the pledge of allegiance. How does your heart feel beating under your hand? Is it faint and slow, because you are at peace? Or is it drumming hard, attempting to pop out of your chest because of the stress and adrenaline coursing through you? 

 

1. Take a deep breath in, then breathe it out deeply through your nose and feel how it moves through your body. Imagine it starting at your head and then moving all the way down to your toes. Allow your shoulders to drop with your breath. Notice if any parts of your body feel tensed up or sore (this is called a “body scan”).

 

1. Pause and reflect: If your body is responding this way, what EMOTIONS could be driving it? Think about what “color zone” you have been in the last couple of days. How would you describe your predominant emotional state? ​

Once I cooled down, I looked at that red sticky note with curiosity. Why did a thirteen-year-old girl struggling in a new culture trigger me so much? My reaction felt exaggerated. What was it about that interaction that made me so angry?

Identifying the emotion within us is the first step. Stay tuned for what to do next.

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