How to use the 4 S's routine

Today in Texas the weather feels idyllic—eighty degrees, a soft breeze drifting through the air. But beneath that calm, I sense storms on the horizon. I see it in the hard stare of an adolescent passing in the hallway, unaware that her eyes project deep hurt. I feel it in the heaviness that settles over a high school classroom, in the way faces drop and eyes avoid contact. I notice it in a boy’s restless movement—or in his complete stillness. And yet, the pressure of the clock pushes me forward. Content to cover. Educators to support. Time, always ticking, ticking, ticking.

Maybe you’ve felt this too: I thrive on structure and routine, the kind that keeps me from slipping back into my default mode--head down, just get the work done. It feels safer to ignore the emotions simmering in the room. After all, I don’t have the energy to coach anyone through their feelings. But that is precisely what’s needed.

Because when a student is disengaged, when they aren’t working, the problem isn’t laziness—it’s the brain in survival mode. ​​

Neuroscience reminds us that learning happens in the cortex—where memory, logic, and language live. But to get there, we must first help students quiet the flood of emotions in what Dr. Dan Siegel calls the “downstairs brain.”

That’s where the 4 S’s come in—a simple tool for moments when students are caught in a stress response (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn). Four moves, two sentence stems for teachers and two action prompts, to shift the climate in the room and help students re-engage.

“I see that…” – Name the behavior without judgment.

Your head is down on the desk. You’re moving around a lot and wringing your hands. You just threw that paper across the room. 

“What’s going on?” – Invite the student to share.

“It sounds like…” – Reflect their words back verbatim. Then check for accuracy: “Is that right?”

Suggest an emotion. – Suggest possible feelings to help them identify their own: “Are you feeling down? Nervous? Overwhelmed?” (Dr. Marc Brackett’s Mood Meter is a helpful guide here.)

Support. – Place ownership with the student instead of fixing the problem for them. “How can I help?”

The 4 S’s routine reminds us as educators to pause, set aside assumptions, and mirror a student’s emotional state with compassion. This small act helps students feel seen and heard, opening the door to co-regulation. Over time, they learn to sit with uncomfortable emotions, to name them, and to realize they are not alone in carrying them. That is resilience-building in action. And when we show up for students in this way, the impact is nothing short of transformative.

Print a guide to this routine for your lanyard: https://bit.ly/DCRpadlet